On my way to work this morning I was listening to the morning radio show and they were talking about how it is said that everyone has one “love of your life”. That no matter what happens or where you are in your life… there is one person that holds a place in your heart and is always known as the one that got away or, if you’re lucky, the one you sank your claws into and won’t let go. Some can even have a husband, wife GF, BF that isn’t necessarily the love of their life. And that’s okay. In some instances that love is unattainable (as in my friend H’s case, hers is in jail… for a long time). I don’t know if I’m making my point clear, but I digress.

I don’t know if I have a “love of my life”. I used to think it was the BD (baby daddy) and even gave him a second chance a few years ago. Realized that I do NOT want to live the rest of my life as an underachiever (cause that’s all he is) and set him free for the second and final time. And I mean final. Creeps me out just thinking about him.

Then I wonder if the current BF is the love of my life? It’s possible. I am addicted to him like a tweeker is to meth (no pun intended using that analogy in the same post as a mention of the BD), but can’t help wonder. If he is the love of my life, would I even be questioning it?

Which led me to think of the “crush of my life”…. I know, funny, huh?

He is in a category that is not shared by many. I dubbed it the “GOD DAMN” category. The only real person in that category would be the crush. Of course, David Beckham, Brad Pitt and a few others of the like could occupy the category, but we’re talking about REAL people. Even tho the crush is a nasty perv who made me tell him I love him while we had sex (that still creeps me out, cause it was just casual sex) he was fiiiiiine. F-I-N-E! It’s one of those crushes that will never die. It was never hard for me to walk away from him the multiple times I did, but it was hard to refuse him we let once years pass by.

A little background on the crush. We met Freshman year in High School. I don’t think he even knew who I was! The crush changed schools for a few years but returned our Senior Year. The entire senior year, I was set out to nail this dude. All I wanted was to be next to him. I remember he used to smell so manly if that’s possible at 17 or 18 years old. He has the most dynamic smile I’ve ever seen and his eyes glowed. (Actually the only other persons smile that can melt me like his is the current BF! Aaaah) So, my goal was to nail him. I hinted and hinted that I wanted him… we talked for a long time. You remember what talking is, right? Right. Then he mentioned the Senior Prom! I was over the moon! I was going to the Senior Prom with the most eligible senior in the entire school. Silly me, he wasn’t asking, he just mentioned that he’d see me there! <Heartbreak #1> No one else could have taken his place as my date for prom so I didn’t go. He ended up going with the boys. No, he’s not gay, but they were the mac-daddies of the school and didn’t want to narrow their playing field by being tied down to just one girl at prom! I know, I should have run!! (daisnaid!)

Closer and closer we got to graduation, the closer and closer me & the crush got. Once graduation was a fond memory he gave me the all clear to nail him. And nailed him I did. My crush evolved into my first booty call. That’s all he was…. And he was a terrible booty call. A reliable booty call, but nothing to write home (or blog) about. And if you want me to go into detail why it was so terrible, that will need to be an entirely separate post!!! ICK.

Finally, I told him “I’m just not that into you” and we went our separate ways. Life went on and we didn’t speak again. No problem for me, I didn’t think twice about him.

Fast forward say 5 years…. maybe 6. Different time of our lives, but we managed to hook up again. A few dates but then inevitable dreadful sex. Oh man, it was rough. Not as in rough, smack my ass rough, but in the are you done yet? rough. “I’m just not that into you anymore” talk again.

Fast forward another 3 or 4 years and WOW. Run into him at the art & wine festival. Been drinking in the hot heat all day so judgment is a wee bit clouded. Give him my phone number and meet up with him at the bar later. Remember, he’s in a class by himself. The GOD DAMN class. And him with a dark summer tan in his wife-beater tank top… all the dreadful sex memories flushed from the brain. This time, we waited awhile to have sex. Went on a few dates, we were trying out a different approach to our relationship. Even the weird twitchy eye thing didn’t bother me (don’t ask). Then the sex.

First time you fool me, shame on you… the second time, shame on me. What do they say about the third?

So there you have it, no matter what, he will always be the “crush of my life”. Just keep him away from me and keep his penis in his pants!!!