Where have I been???
Posted by: Do As I Say on: February 23, 2009
Good question! As I told you on my last post, I failed at the zero contact rule. But, you’ll be happy to know that I’m back on the wagon and haven’t contacted him since Christmas day. Almost 2 months! He hasn’t contacted me either.
However, I did much more than simply contact him back in December. In hindsight, I think it was for the best because it gave me closure. Sure, I have my days when I still miss him and get the urge to send him a text message or send an email. But, I know it’s just going to prolong my pain. He’s not worth it.
Of course, when I saw him, he told me all the things he thought I wanted to hear and gave me everything he thought I wanted. He realized what he did wrong and was ready to give 100% to us and our family, offered to get counseling. After seeing him a few times, I decided to see just how far he was willing to go. I started asking questions about past scenarios that always seemed fishy to me. He came clean and was quite honest with me. He told me that he did in fact sleep with a lot of the girls I accused him of sleeping with. He thought that a clean slate would be the best way to start over. It made me sick to my stomach.
I have absolutely no desire to be with him ever again. Not physically or emotionally. Especially not emotionally. Nevertheless, I miss him. I miss how much fun he is and how he made me smile when things were going good.
Also, I’m still unemployed. I’ve interviewed and tested for several positions, even ranked #2 for a government job, but nothing seems to be panning out.
Depression sucks. I’m digging myself deeper and deeper just trying to keep my head above the water.
On the positive side, I’m really getting a lot of quality time with The Kid. I’m at the school and his baseball field as often as I can. It feels good to at least be volunteering my butt off. Keeps me busy and keeps my mind away from the bullshit. But it also keeps me away from the job search!
Sorry for the rambling. It’s 1am and I can’t sleep. I was tossing and turning and realized my laptop was right next to me. Some theraputic blogging was exactly what the doctor ordered.
BTW, I’ve gained about 16 pounds since I was laid off in September!!!
A new low…
Posted by: Do As I Say on: December 9, 2008
- In: Thoughts| unemployed
- 3 Comments
This week has been an epic FAIL and it’s only Tuesday. I can’t go into everything in detail right now, but I’ll round it off in bullets! (Everyone loves bullets!)
- I didn’t get the job.
- I failed at the Zero Contact rule.
- I have a pimple the size of Rhode Island on my LIP.
- My mom and I are not speaking.
- My Grandfathers health is deteriorating.
How has your week been???
Updates…
Posted by: Do As I Say on: December 3, 2008
- In: Thoughts| unemployed
- 1 Comment
The interview, on the yacht, went marvelously! I really didn’t expect to be so witty, funny or smart! I’ve been suffering with a headache for the past two weeks (or more) so I was nervous that I wouldn’t be able to concentrate, therefore, run in circles or not make sense during the questioning. Also, when I was invited to the interview they called it a “group interview”. I didn’t know what to expect. I was expecting the worse, of course! I figured it would be a bunch of women in a room having to interview in front of each other (like a jury duty questioning process!). Luckily, it was nothing like that. It was just a one on one interview with the cutest little redhead.
I should be hearing from them very soon. I will be sending a Thank you card to the cute redhead tomorrow. I think I aced the interview when I asked her what the oddest request for entertainment from a client had been. (It’s an event planning company) Her response was priceless. A few years back, and artist (aka rapper) was renting out a yacht for his record launch party and requested stripper poles! When she said that I let out the loudest cackle known to man. That was some funny shit, though. So on my thank you card, I plan on saying something really witty like, you made my day with the stripper pole story. Something that she can connect me with, you know?
A quick update on The Ex. There is none! WootWoot! I haven’t talked to him and I came clean with my two BFF’s about seeing him. They weren’t happy with me, but understood. I’m really going to try the ZERO contact concept. No use torturing myself, huh?
Follow up on the Ex
Posted by: Do As I Say on: December 2, 2008
- In: Thoughts
- 4 Comments
I wish I could stay stronger. I have these uncontrollable urges to be in contact with him. Usually, I will log on to my old IM screen name and chat with him or find some lame excuse to email him. Well, yesterday I done really fucked up. I met him for lunch. The first time I’d seen him in almost three months!
Making the plans to see him didn’t even worry me. I slept alright that night and the next morning I was fine. Driving there, I was even a little excited. It wasn’t until I saw him drive up did I become paralyzed with anxiety. I couldn’t get out of the car. I couldn’t pick up my phone to tell him, nevermind. I couldn’t do anything. I was stuck. Finally, he got out of his car and I forced myself to get out of mine. I walked up and he gave me a very uncomfortable, awkward hug. We went into the restaurant and sat down. At first we were just making small talk then the long awkward silence began. I didn’t know what to say? It wasn’t right to start questioning him or talking shit to him for the things he did to me. Yet, I didn’t know what else there was left for us to discuss.
Our food came and small talk resumed. Once the lunch was done, neither of us were ready to part ways. Since we were very close to the mall, he asked me if I wanted to go shopping with him as he needed shoes. We drove over to the mall and started shopping around. I filled him in on my situation (no job, little unemployment, back up bills, etc.). He offered me money. I took him up on the offer. He paid two months of rent and my car payment. I had NO clue he was going to give me that much money.
After we went shopping and were going our separate ways, I felt bad. Not bad for taking his money, but bad for “us”. The “us” that we were. The family that I was trying to build. I miss our family. I miss him. I want to be friends with him because he really is a good person. Just a horrific boyfriend. Catastrophically horrible boyfriend! He says he can’t be friends with me because he still loves me so much. I feel that it’s a “all or nothing” propositon. He knows how much I want to be friends with him so he really thinks that if he refuses to be my friend unless I will try to have a relationship with him again, that I will break down and take him back. I will not. I can not!
With all that said, I’m reeling with emotion. Last night I had the worse headache known to man. I debated on going to the hospital but nixed that idea because I have no health insurance! Fortunately, two Xanax and a Percocet numbed the pain. And knocked me out. Today, I feel empty. Lonely. Sad. Disappointed.
Month Three of the Unemployed…. Already?
Posted by: Do As I Say on: December 2, 2008
- In: unemployed
- 2 Comments
Son of a bitch. I’m going on my third month of being unemployed. I have been on a few interviews and finally received unemployment benefits. At first I was getting the max bene’s and then they cut it by $120. I don’t know why but I’m going to give them a call tomorrow (since Monday and Tuesdays are the busiest days).
I have an interview on a YACHT, yes, a fucking YACHT, tomorrow. It’s a group interview so I’m not sure what to expect but I’m going to stay hopeful.
Other than that, there is not much new on the job front to report. I’ve been keeping busy volunterring at the kids school a lot and helping out at my dad’s store. Aren’t you excited for me??? 
Month 2 of the Unemployed…
Posted by: Do As I Say on: November 11, 2008
- In: Thoughts| unemployed
- 1 Comment
I still haven’t received a dime from unemployment. It is now the 11th and the bills are piling up. I’ve exhausted all methods of obtaining funds so the only option left is to sit and wait.
Yesterday, I logged on to my Yahoo mail and the top story of the day is this: http://news.yahoo.com/s/csm/20081110/ts_csm/ajobcuts
Wow… How is THAT supposed to give me any confidence that I will be able to find employment?
Should I start looking outside of my area? Relocate? That scares the hell out of me. Do I take temp positions? Do I work retail? Wait tables? Will I be able to make it? I’m 31 years old and need my life sorted out for me. Dammit.
President-Elect Barack Obama!!
Posted by: Do As I Say on: November 4, 2008
Congratulations President-Elect Obama and the Obama family! Also, thank you America for finally getting an election right. In these times, a change is needed!
I had faith that Obama would win, but an opinion that was shared today by an African-American man distrubed me. He came into my mom’s store and had his “I Voted” sticker on his lapel. My mom was discussing the election and mentioned, “Go Obama”. The man asked why she would assume he voted for Obama and my mom studdered a little bit because she didn’t want to say, “because you’re black”, but being my mom, I’m sure that’s what she thought. She simply said, “well, I’ve been a Democrat all my life and we live in a mostly Democratic area… But, I’m sorry if I offended you”. His response was quite uncalled for, in my honest opinion, but he said, and I’m paraphrasing here, “Senator Obama has a lovely family and I do not want him to die, therefore, I did not vote for him. I am sorry to say, if a black man was elected President of the United States of America, he will be assasinated.”
Unfortunately, this isn’t the first black man I’ve heard say this. My Ex was half black and expressed his concerns frequently with me when we discussed politics. He wasn’t following the election very closely so I chose not to debate it with him. He wasn’t really the “strong black man” voicing “black pride” wherever he went but was more the type to simply disagree with me to disagree with me so I never thought twice about it (just another reason he is my EX). Being the white girl growing up in a predominately NON-white community, I never even considered Obama as “the black guy”. I really didn’t give any thought to it until my mom shared her experience with me.
Of course, I hope they are wrong. I hope that Obama and his family will be in no more danger than any other past presidents and their families have been in. I acknowledge that it’s a dangerous and high profile political position, but isn’t it wrong to vote against someone to try and protect their safety? Isn’t that what the secret service is for? Hopefully no gun weilding red neck will chose to kill this intellegent family man who has just made HISTORY strictly based on the color of his skin. Which I may add is a gorgeous hue of brown.
Anyhoo, I’m proud to be an American and look forward to 2009. I am sorry to see Sarah Palin drift off into the land of Alaska because that means no more Tina Fey on SNL. But we have her back on 30 Rock so that will do. Let’s hope Sexy Palin stays in Alaska with her kids and doesn’t show up again in 2012.
Month 1 of the Unemployed…
Posted by: Do As I Say on: October 28, 2008
I was unemployed was last year from May 2007 – March 2008. I had been on disability for four months and the remaining time was spent on unemployment. During that time, I was being very picky on the jobs I was applying for. It seemed there was an abundance of positions looking to be filled so I had the opportunity to pick and chose. I spent a lot of time on Craigslist. There would be about 20-30 posts daily for different Finance/Accounting positions (obviously, this is the field that I am in). This time? I’m not so lucky. It seems there are no more than about 10 a day posted and most of them are… well… CRAP. Entry level positions that will pay me no more than I am getting here on unemployment.
It has been a very, very hard 4 weeks. Not only was I laid off, but as you may remember, I am also going through a nasty break up, my grandpa was diagnosed with cancer (ended up having brain surgery and began chemotherapy and radiation this week) plus I turned 31 years old. All in a matter of 12 fucking days. How many people can say their life got flipped & turned upside down so completely in such a short time?
I know, it could be worse. Really, I know it could.
Sometimes I wonder how the FUCK do I do it. How do I keep my head up and actually get out of bed everyday? Then I realize, I am awesome. Just kidding… But my friends and family are! They keep me grounded and sane semi-sane. But there are still days that I can’t get out of bed. And being that I’m unemployed, I DON’T HAVTA, nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah!!! I get the kid off to school and I crawl back into bed and sleep ’till noon. Other days, I get up and watch Regis & Kelly, The View and The Young and The Restless (I just got sidetracked on that Y&R site… I love it!) while drinking a hot steaming cup of coffee. I keep in touch with my friends via IM, Myspace, Facebook and email. I volunteer at The Kids school and this morning I had my first “coffee date” with a stay at home mom from the little league. A girl could get used to this.
So, I leave you with a question. Should I be seeking employment or a sugar daddy to take care of me while I live the Stay at Home Mom life?
***seriously, I know the answer to that question, but wanted to throw it out there!!!***
Follow-up on the Open Letter to the Ex…
Posted by: Do As I Say on: October 28, 2008
A few weeks ago, I posted a letter to my ex. Since then, I have actually had the pleasure opportunity to ask him a few of the questions. And I was right, I didn’t want the answers… nor do I believe them!
Anyway, he had the nerve to tell me that I has learned his lesson and has “seen the light”. He knows what he did wrong and he knows how to make it right. He told me that he loves me and wants our “family” to be together. The boys miss me and he misses me.
He continued to tell me everything I wanted (or that he thought I wanted) to hear. This carried on for a few days. All via email and instant messenger. His phone numbers are still blocked and surprisingly, he has respected my request for him to stay away from my house.
“She” is no longer in the picture, so we are free to be together. Isn’t that great?
No, I’m not that stupid. I may have put up with your bullshit and lies for 2 and a half years, but I can no longer do it. It amazes me that he continues to lie. But it does make me feel better hearing that he is hurting (even if he is lying).
Where the kid goes all political on your ass.
Posted by: Do As I Say on: October 17, 2008
This is an essay The kid wrote in his 4th grade class last week. For the sake of my OCD about spelling and grammar, I did change a few things.
Written on the top of his paper from his teacher were the words, I’d vote for you!!! So without futher ado, Vote The Kid in the 2056 Election!!! (but in one paragraph, I’m not sure if he was going for president or Miss America!!!)
********************
If I were President of the United States there are a number of things I would like to change. First, I would like to end the war in Iraq. The reason I want to end the war is because what if your son or father died in the war, wouldn’t you be sad? Also, wars are plain pointless. You can share gas and other stuff because if you kill everybody you are also committing a felony.
The second thing I would like to change is the cost of gas prices. So many people in the world have not much money and it is not affordable. Why can’t they drop the prices and everybody can get around in a car? So just think of what I said and a lot of people wouldn’t be losing their homes right now.
The third thing I would change if I was the President of the United States of America is world hunger. So many people die from no food or water. The people in Africa are so poor they probably only get 2 meals a day and what if you were in that situation? It is not fair to people that are poor. The government should give up some of their money and give it to charity because they have trillions of dollars and they should at least give one million to charity.
The fourth thing I would change is the crime that is committed. For one, people die everyday from guns or knives. If there were no such thing as guns, Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King, Jr. would have lived longer lives. So whoever invented guns is a bad person.
And last but not least, I would change the speed limit on the freeways. I see cars shooting by like at 100 MPH. My grandpa told me that there is a freeway in the world that has no speed limit. That needs to be changed. You can go as fast as you can and there are no cops that will give you a ticket. That’s fast! One more thing is that there are lots of accidents happening with going too fast.
Those are the things I would change if I were President of the United States of America.
